Footprints

by Budd Glassberg

Reprinted with permission from the Zionsville Times Sentinel on July 18, 2007

Icing on the Cake

“Marriage is the highest state of friendship: If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.” – Samuel Richardson

Those who are wise enough to keep their vows and fortunate enough to have found a spouse who will do likewise may experience a comfort that is both rewarding and deserved. The marriage of two souls, like the aging of a great wine is not an instant “love at first sight” occurrence, but instead a gradual blending of separate egos into a third entity that is superior to the sum of it’s parts. It is accomplished by the trial and error coming together of one person’s skills offsetting the other’s deficiencies. Early on in a marriage, conflict is inevitable as each party stakes out his or her claim to certain territory that the other spouse is not ready to relinquish. As each party realizes that certain sacrifices are required to form a more perfect union, the merger becomes stronger and more resilient. Some, who enter the union too young or too immature to see beyond winning a petty argument, often do not make it beyond the early trial and error stages of matrimony.

Lengthy marriages are celebrated by silver and gold wedding anniversaries. Those unions frequently are strengthened by the parenting of children, the compromises made over financial decisions, the shared experiences of good times, and most certainly with the moral and spiritual spousal support when times are hard. Blessed are those who have acquired this state of interdependency.

Young newlyweds are like two strong pillars standing straight and tall. Should the marriage strengthen, the two individuals working together become a union that is greater than the sum of its parts. The two pillars together are able to handle a great amount of burden. As the couple grows old, both parties begin to see their physical and mental facilities weaken. The pillars no longer stand straight. Over time the pillars lean enough for one or both to fall if it were by itself. Together they are able to lean against each other and both remain upright.

Sid and Lee each had marriages lasting more than 50 years. Both raised children in their marriages and had made it to the stage of comfortable coexistence. Each of them knew what they brought to their respective unions and what they would receive in exchange. Lee lost her husband nearly the same time Sid lost my mother. At the age of 84 my father met Lee who was then 77. After a short courtship, they married. Taking the fast lane to acquire a state of marital comfort, they found compatibility in short order. They had some travel together, dancing, and shared many meals with pleasant conversation. They went to concerts, plays, and dozens of their grandchildren’s school events. Each of them became active members in the other’s family. Both families benefited from the union.

Along with the wisdom of years of experience, comes the bitter realization that physical abilities begin to fail with age. Fortunately, Lee was able to supplement Sid’s diminished hearing, while he supplied the legs being the more mobile of the two. She reminded him when to take his medications. He had better use of hands and assisted in fine motor needs. She filled his life with beauty. He doused her with humor. Each of them leaned on the other. They were very fortunate to have a long and loving marriage for over a half century with their first spouses, and find each other for loving companionship in their golden years.

There was not a three month period in the past two years that passed without one or the other needing to be in the hospital. When one of them was admitted, the other would sit at his or her bedside for comfort and company. Last Monday Sid celebrated his 87^th birthday and Lee celebrated her 80^th the next day. They both were healthy and happy and had a wonderful week. On Friday, Lee went to the hospital with stomach pains. Saturday night, before Lee went into surgery, she told my father that he had made her very happy these past three years. She did not regain consciousness after the surgery and passed away the next morning.

Anyone would feel very fortunate to find one soul with whom that person would like to share his life. Sid and Lee found it twice. They were very fortunate indeed. Both of them felt that they were blessed with a full and happy life prior to their meeting. Their time together was a bonus. It was the icing on the cake.

Budd Glassberg lives and works in Zionsville and is a 23 year resident of the community. Visit www.runz.com for reprints of all his columns. You can reach him by email at budd@runz.com.