Footprints

by Budd Glassberg

Reprinted with permission from the Zionsville Times Sentinel on August 22, 2007

Don’t Let it Go Unsaid

“You clearly hate to yield, but you will regret it when your anger has passed. Such natures are justly the hardest for themselves to bear.” – Sophocles

We have all had times when we regretted keeping our silence when the moment called for us to speak. I am not talking about the snide comeback to an insult that you think of twenty minutes too late. No, the lament I am referring to is the kind that keeps you from sleeping at night. They are words that were shouting to come out, but something, perhaps caution, kept them inside your head. Once that moment for speech had passed we can only mourn our silence.

For many, it is our words that cause us most of our troubles. We are frequently reminded of little sayings like, “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain or “More talk is not as good as less talk and less talk is not as good as none at all.” – Chinese Proverb. While quotes like these have value in many situations, they are generalities and do not apply at all times. There are times when we need to forgo our instinct to keep still.

What keeps us hushed when our hearts cry out for us to speak? In some instances, it is our lack of courage. At other times, it might be fear. Shyness may be responsible. Many times our ego stands in our way that by speaking the words it makes us sound less perfect by admitting we were wrong. Whatever the reason we attach to our passivity, the resulting feeling of loss is not diminished.

A simple “I’m sorry” could have been all that was needed to save a relationship that was worth saving. “I was wrong” at times is the right thing to say. Why do we shun it like it is a death sentence? “I didn’t mean to be unkind” are healing words that need to be said when the time arises. “I miss you, please come home”, “I care about you”, and most of all “I love you” spoken from the heart are words that can alter the course of your life. Unspoken, they are conspicuous in their absence and are able to further a divide between two people who should be close.

In the 1965 movie, A Thousand Clowns, Murray Burns spends an afternoon in New York City saying “I’m sorry” to random people on the street. He said that 95% of the people forgave him without ever knowing what he had done. He would say, “I’m sorry” and a complete stranger would respond, “That’s OK pal, just don’t do it again.” This was all done as a prelude to Murray apologizing to his girlfriend. Forgiveness followed. Possibly the times we do not apologize it is due to our fear that we will not be forgiven. The irony of that situation is that the other person is perfectly willing to pardon us and is anxious to be magnanimous.

I have had some words unspoken and had some sleepless nights. I have seen what that kind of silence brings about. It always ends up with me wishing I had said something. My experience has taught me something. More often, these days, I find the courage and strength to speak at times when the situation dictates. At those times, I have not regretted a single word uttered.

Budd Glassberg is a 23 year resident of Zionsville who works and volunteers in the community. Visit www.runz.com for reprints of all his columns. You can reach him by email at budd@runz.com.