Footprints

by Budd Glassberg

Reprinted with permission from the Zionsville Times Sentinel on November 21, 2007

This Time it was Different

This time it was different. A little over five years ago, Maureen and I drove away from St. Olaf College leaving Josie, our older daughter, there. There was excitement as well as tears, but despite the anticipated separation, the parting of ways was scheduled and temporary. The many school breaks and summers at home dictated a stretching, not a breaking of apron strings. This time it was different.

A little over a year ago, Josie packed up my old van filled with winter weather gear and headed up to upstate Minnesota to work for a year at the Wolf Ridge Environmental Learning Center on the north shore of Lake Superior. She was also attending graduate school at the University of Minnesota at Duluth. She lived along with eleven other naturalists in dorms at the residential outdoor learning center. It was a step in the direction of independence. This time it was different.

In August of this year, Josie moved back home. She came here to pursue a job opportunity that seemed ideal when she accepted it, but ultimately did not make use of her gifts and talents and left her feeling unappreciated. At that time she worked her job as well as three others in order to pay down some of her student loans. I encouraged her to begin applying for full time work that might further her career.

I had heard stories from other parents about the return of their adult children to the household. There was a mixture of joy along with trepidation at the thought of Josie sharing our abode with us. When Elle, our younger daughter, went away to college two years ago, Maureen and I adjusted very easily to the empty nest lifestyle. We had comfortably settled into certain patterns and habits which included going to bed quite early and keeping a neat and clean house. Josie had spent the past five years keeping late hours and sharing dorm space with a myriad of young adults with varying degrees of slovenly behavior. Ergo, some trepidation.

In her teenage years, and during some of her college breaks, Josie and I had some epic battles. She used to be stubborn, but as an adult her headstrong behavior is now considered determined. She has a gift for argument and honed that skill as a teenager. Ergo, more trepidation.

To our surprise, Josie’s homecoming was not what we feared. What used to be expected, in her mind, was now appreciated. A refrigerator abundantly stocked and free laundry room use was a perk of living at home. Money otherwise given to a landlord could now be saved. Home cooked meals were greeted with pleasant conversation followed by unsolicited help with the clean up. Some late hours continued, but with a new twist; Maureen and I received calls when she would not be returning at her expected times. Calls would come from Josie when she would be missing a dinner due to work. As we witnessed the metamorphosis of our daughter from dependent to responsible adult, we also saw a reduction in the arguing and fighting. To be sure there were a few border skirmishes, but peace had been declared. The little girl of thirteen, who went into the tunnel shortly after her mother died, had come out the other end a delightful, witty, interesting and personable young woman.

Shortly after giving notice to her employer last month, Josie accepted a position with Americorps in Reno, Nevada. This position is better suited to make use of her skills. She had learned to ask more questions in her interview and to interview the employer as well. With her other jobs still requiring her time, Josie and I had a lot of details to go over in her final month at home. We had sessions where I would be explaining the time value of money and finances, going over Quicken financial software, illuminating the pros and cons of different insurances, and general advice on being streetwise while living on a budget. As opposed to her younger days when each attempt at instruction would be fraught with contempt toward me, I was pleased with the openness and gratitude in her acceptance of my tutoring. She had already learned many of these lessons the hard way. This time she appeared to be absorbing the information with a new clarity.

With less than a week until her departure, Maureen witnessed Josie giving one final presentation to eighty third grade students. The subject was bats. Josie held the children’s attention in ruptured silence. She knows how to work a crowd. She will thrive in her new job.

So on Sunday, Maureen and I helped Josie load up my old van once more. As the thirteen year-old vehicle pushing 200K miles pulled out of the driveway, we both knew that this was not the same parting as it had been when leaving her at college or when she went off to upstate Minnesota. Our daughter will certainly visit us in the future, but she has left us. Our pleasant three and a half months together has made this parting sad. It is different this time. Shortly after her departure, with a lump in my throat, I started turning her old room into my study. Take care, Josie, make good choices, work hard, do great things and try to make the world a little better place than the way you found it.

Budd Glassberg is a 23 year resident of Zionsville who works and volunteers in the community. Visit www.runz.com for reprints of all his columns. You can reach him by email at budd@runz.com.